Job Description	What It Really Means
Self starter needed	No training
Work hard, play hard	No life, but we have a monthly happy hour
Work life balance	No life, but bring your kids in on the weekend!
Fast-paced environment	We have no idea what's going on
Jeans and sneakers allowed	The pay sucks
Salary based on experience	Prepare to be low balled
We're like a family	Run!
Family run business	We argue a lot, but guess who gets promoted
Looking for a cultural fit	We'll hire people just like us, and you can't sue
Unlimited PTO	No vacation EVER
Operate in ambiguous environment	Keep your mouth shut about shady stuff
Rockstar, ninja, wrangler, guru	Run!
Other tasks as assigned	Get coffee and dry cleaning
High opportunity for growth	Minimum wage for the next five years
Team player needed	People will steal credit for your work
Must have a good sense of humor	You'll laugh because you can't cry
Leadership skills desired	You'll be a manager without the salary
Excellent interpersonal skills needed	We've hired a lot of assholes
Genuinely committed to the role	11 people have quit in the last six months
Fast growing company	There's six of us