 |
 |
| Self starter needed | No training |
| Work hard, play hard | No life, but we have a monthly happy hour |
| Work life balance | No life, but bring your kids in on the weekend! |
| Fast-paced environment | We have no idea what's going on |
| Jeans and sneakers allowed | The pay sucks |
| Salary based on experience | Prepare to be low balled |
| We're like a family | Run! |
| Family run business | We argue a lot, but guess who gets promoted |
| Looking for a cultural fit | We'll hire people just like us, and you can't sue |
| Unlimited PTO | No vacation EVER |
| Operate in ambiguous environment | Keep your mouth shut about shady stuff |
| Rockstar, ninja, wrangler, guru | Run! |
| Other tasks as assigned | Get coffee and dry cleaning |
| High opportunity for growth | Minimum wage for the next five years |
| Team player needed | People will steal credit for your work |
| Must have a good sense of humor | You'll laugh because you can't cry |
| Leadership skills desired | You'll be a manager without the salary |
| Excellent interpersonal skills needed | We've hired a lot of assholes |
| Genuinely committed to the role | 11 people have quit in the last six months |
| Fast growing company | There's six of us |
- Compliment people behind their backs, and if you must criticize, do it to their faces.
- Physical labor is underappreciated in this country.
- The first instance of verbal or physical abuse won't be the last.
- If coworkers stand up for you regarding abuse or a false accusation, it's a job to keep. Otherwise, it's time to leave.
- I once had a boss threated to fire me monthly for three years. If I'm that bad an employee, pull the trigger. If I'm not that bad an employee, then shut your mouth.
- The little things add up into something at least minor, if not major.
- Your boss/company is watching much more than you think.
- An IT expert once told me when it's time to layoff people, the first thing the executives look at is internet use.
- Get a second job if you're that bored at your first job; it's just a matter of time before your second job is your only job.
- Never accept nor turn down a job because of the salary nor the commute.
- The hiring manager is either enthusiastic to hire you or don't work there.
- Being bored out of your skull is worse than being overwhelmed.
- Once is a fluke, twice is a coincidence, three times is on purpose.
- A hundred clients need to be handled in a hundred different ways.
- Having no life isn't worth the paycheck.
- If you're not learning and not earning, start typing your resume.